If you needed some Cover Snark today, we have your back!
Sneezy: Where did his hands go? Did his pecs eat them?
And has anyone held a baby like that? It doesn’t look comfortable for either party?????
Amanda: no thank you on all fronts
Tara: Someone got paid to Photoshop a baby on a bodybuilding flex?
Also, are cyborgs one of the last frontiers of secret baby books?
Sneezy: Oh GOD, don’t say that out loud!!!!! Someone’s going to take that as a challenge!!!!!!
Next thing you know, we’ll be up to our ears in the secret babies of a newt’s third toe.
Sarah: When my supremely reflux-y sons were babies, carrying them like that could give them some gas relief from both ends. However, even with breastfeeding my chest was not that big. And I have plenty of real estate up there.
Also if that baby doesn’t have a diaper on, there will be some pee. Count on it. Hope it doesn’t short circuit the cyborg.
Sneezy: Babies are terrifying
Tara: As someone who had a similar problem with their first baby, I can also guarantee that baby will barf down his arm.
Sarah: oh yeah. If there’s rocking you’ll get some velocity, too.
One time my older son, as an infant, refluxed while on the forward arc of his swing. Probably cleared 20 feet? Hit the opposite wall in the kitchen. It was impressive.
Tara: Holy shit! That’s VERY good. Also gross
Sarah: Might want to tell that cyborg about baby prilosec. Though I imagine now there’s even better reflux relief for babies.
I was SO impressed.
Elyse: The no hands thing is supremely upsetting
Carrie: Seconding Sarah regarding colic
Maya: Also, that is like the definition of vanity muscle if he has to flex that hard to hold a baby.
Amanda: Are babies heavier in space?
Kiki: That baby looks like they’re wondering the same thing
Sarah: Wouldn’t babies be lighter in space?
Aarya: A thing I just googled:
Maya: I really hope that autocompleted
Susan: For a minute I parsed the cyborg-baby cover as part of the conversation about penises and was incredibly confused
Shana: You’re not alone, that baby looks confused too.
Catherine: The baby looks deeply concerned. And – and I realise that this is the least of our anatomical worries here, what with the man-boobs and the concerning melon-sized cysts in his biceps – is there something weird about that pattern of chest hair? It’s all over the man-boobs but not between them or below them and it’s making me wonder if he is halfway through turning into a werewolf or something.
AJ: You all raise valid points but what I really want to know is, where are his cyborg parts? I see zero (0) poorly photoshopped metal limbs. If they promise me a cyborg and then give me a regular degular human dude, I’m going to be so pissed.
Amanda: Well we don’t get to see his lower half.
Could be a General Grievous scenario down there.
Sneezy: His dick could be a vibrator.
Amanda: The long spindly arms are the stuff of nightmares.
Plus, THOSE NAILS.
Amanda: I hope there’s no fingerbanging in the book.
Elyse: They aren’t even nicely done. I’d demand my money back.
Sarah: I think his head is from another body. Maybe that’s what the nails are for?
Sneezy: His arms look like they’re tacked on too.
Tara: Is it just me, or does his nipple look painted on?
Shana: everything about this terrifies me: especially the pouty look on his face as he thinks about jabbing his claws into his sweet lover girl. Although, sweet lover girl looks like she might be holding a knife in the grass, and is thinking about stabbing him. Ah, true wuv…
Catherine: This looks like a hostage situation, honestly. Is he strangling her? She definitely does not look happy to be here.
CharlotteB: You know how they say corpse nails grow after death? That’s all I can think about.
AJ: Something about the pose makes me think that guy is just unbelievably needy. You know that one boyfriend back in the day who wanted to hug you all the time to demonstrate ownership? THAT guy. “Babe. BABE. Babe, come here, Sveginald is going to take a picture of us.” *latches on like octopus*
From Lils: Whoa. Sunny side up nip!
Tara: That looks like a little, unrolled condom
Amanda: It reminds me of an overcooked pepperoni on a pizza
Sarah: For my Jersey and Philly folks: Taylor Pork Roll.
Amanda: It’s like a nipple Rorschach Test.
Kiki: It’s so perky!
Claudia: Puckered is the word that comes to mind — not in a good way.
Sarah: Now I want Pork Roll.
Aarya: As a Philly person: can confirm.
Tara: Now I need to look up what a Pork Roll is.
Sneezy: Yet another cover indicating mitties need bras.
Sarah: Tara: It’s salty, porky deliciousness.
It’s often sold sliced and if you don’t cut a pac-man notch out of it, it curls up JUST LIKE THAT NIPPLE.
Shana: Now I’m disturbed, and hungry.
Catherine: I don’t know about pork rolls, but to me it looks like a teeny tiny Kermit halfway through singing the song about rainbows. If you look closely (don’t look closely), you can see the two little bulgy eyes, and of course the mouth takes up most of the face.
(Oh, sorry, is there a person on that cover too? All I could focus on was the Kermit-nipple.)
CharlotteB: Look, I believe breastfeeding is beautiful but I’m gonna recommend a nursing cover just for this guy only.
AJ: The nipple face is telling me I should bet everything on black. Also something about Cthulhu. Is that normal?
From Kristine: That head does not belong to that neck.
Sarah: the pleated blouse does not help, either.
Elyse: The longer you look at it, the more upsetting it gets
Unless the book is about a serial killer who sews heads onto different bodies, I don’t buy it
Sarah: I also keep thinking that’s Julia Stiles with her “I am barely tolerating your b.s.” expression.
Claudia: He must have been the 19th-century inspiration for the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Maya: or a reimagining of the girl with ribbon around her neck
Sneezy: Excuse me while I convince my brain MY neck isn’t itchy and/or was swapped with someone else’s.
Catherine: My hed is pastede on yay! (Am I revealing my age?)
Actually, though, it looks like her head is only loosely attached to her neck and could go floating off at any moment. Maybe that’s why she’s smiling. ‘Oh, you think you can haunt me, weird jaundiced guy staring down at me from overhead? But I can make my head fly off and BITE YOU.’
AJ: I’m with Maya on this one. She’s going to tell him that he can do anything he wants, except remove her weird collar. And then one day, curiosity will get the best of him, and next thing you know … BOOM he’s down 1/8th of a wife.
Also: Maybe the real Mrs. MacKinnons were the starched blouses we bought along the way.