Cover Snark: Logic Puzzles

May 11, 2020

It’s Monday! Time for Cover Snark!

Tough Guy by Rachel Reid. A buff, bearded, and shirtless dude is looking down at his crotch and his unlaced pants.

Elyse: He’s checking to make sure his penis is still there isn’t he?

Sarah: “Crap, did I lace my junk into my trousers again?!”

Amanda: Oops, got your bepis.

Tara: What if “Tough Guy” is the penis’s name?

Sneezy: His pants seem to have some strange corset contraption. And why does he need to flex while putting on pants?

Awakening by Brianna West. A shirtless dude seems to be exploding a galaxy between his bombs, and that galaxy implosion is becoming a woman's face.

From Karen: I’ve been seeing this for the last couple of days in newsletters for sale books and it makes me wonder what I’m seeing every time. I had to view the full size cover to realize that they’ve superimposed a woman’s face on the man’s torso but my imagination for what was going on below his belt didn’t go there. When you see it full size, then there’s the extra issue with his nipple looking at first like a blemish on her face. And what is that blue light? Mostly, this cover is a mess in my opinion and my response to it is “what were they thinking?” Am I right or do you all love it?

Sarah: He’s picking her nose.

Elyse: I’ve never done mushrooms but I feel like it would be like this

Catherine: Bad acid trip.

Great minds think alike, Elyse!

Also, the title – Awakening. Imagine waking up and seeing… this. (Though it does give a whole new meaning to ‘oh, I just woke up this way…’)

Amanda: As someone who is really bad spring allergies, this is an accurate representation.

Sneezy: “Blood Bending: Harmful to You and Others”

Amanda: I feel like Neti Pot should use this image in marketing materials.

Catherine: Just showed this to a friend who was horrified because he didn’t see the face at all and thought that was some sort of slug or leech growing out of the man’s crotch, so there’s a whole other nightmare for you.

Tara: That’s what I thought!

The Cowboy is a Daddy by Mindy Neff. A tiny baby is clutching the pant leg of what I assume is a cowboy given the denim and boots.

Amanda: 1. his pants look like they’re made of velvet

2. the title reminds me a logic puzzle: if the cowboy is a daddy, what is the firefighter?

Sarah: That floor is gonna give that poor baby a ton of splinters.

Also I see shoes, but no baby socks. Those socks are gone forever if they aren’t in sight. Been there.

Shana: I really don’t get the appeal of romance covers that are baby-forward. Can someone help me understand? Is this supposed to tug at my nurturing instincts?

Also that font is barely legible. I thought it said Couley, not cowboy, and puzzled for several seconds.

Sneezy: This cover inspires nothing, not even snark.

Susan: Genuinely if you told me it was someone’s memoir of a tragic childhood I’d believe you.

Shana: Now it looks like The Cowkoy is a Daddy. What is this chameleon font?

Catherine: Yeah, this doesn’t say ‘romance’ to me at all. It looks kind of bleak, to be honest.

Winter Dreams by Trana Mae Simmons. A lady with a large bonnet is rebuffing the advances of some cowboy in the snow. Two puffy puppies watch on.

Amanda: I’m obsessed with the idea that this woman wears a huge bonnet to keep men with bad breath away from her

Also…what the heck are those tiny dogs,

Sneezy: Those dogs look like one person wanted baby malamutes, and someone kept arguing for dire wolves.

Elyse: IDK I’m stuck on that hat.

Shana: It’s the feathers. Why does it need feathers?

Sarah: Who decided corgi-shaped huskies were needed?

Sneezy: I mean, there’s a time an place for them.

Sarah: Oooh those might be puppies. I hope they’re puppies. Or weird photoshops.

Sneezy: I think they’re malamute puppies, but I don’t know if they all look like mochi out of the box.

Sarah: LOL “look like mochi.” They really do!

Susan: Now I need to find pictures of corgi crosses, because if I recall they all look like the other dog but with tiny legs.

Tara: You won’t regret it. I met a corgi border collie cross this week and she was a real cutie.

Susan: Oh no they’re as cute as I remember.

I love them.

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