Pride & Prejudice, a Mystery, and More
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Articles / January 13, 2020

The Kiss Quotient RECOMMENDED: The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang is $1.99! I’m not sure this has ever been on sale, so grab this one while you can. We had a wonderful guest squee of this and it was my favorite read of 2018: I truly loved this book. Loved. It made me feel like a champagne bubble – all fizzy and light. When I think of all the magical feelings romance gives its readers, I will forever think of this book. A heartwarming and refreshing debut novel that proves one thing: there’s not enough data in the world to predict what will make your heart tick. Stella Lane thinks math is the only thing that unites the universe. She comes up with algorithms to predict customer purchases–a job that has given her more money than she knows what to do with, and way less experience in the dating department than the average thirty-year-old. It doesn’t help that Stella has Asperger’s and French kissing reminds her of a shark getting its teeth cleaned by pilot fish. Her conclusion: she needs lots of practice–with a professional. Which is why she hires escort Michael Phan. The Vietnamese and Swedish stunner can’t afford to…

Adam & Eve: Valentine’s Day Goodies
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Articles / January 13, 2020

This post is being sponsored by AdamandEve.com and they’ve offered us a coupon code for the Bitchery! Here is the most important information: AdamandEve.com is offering Smart Bitches readers 50% off a single item plus free standard shipping in the US and Canada with code SMART. Please note: certain exclusions apply, but the coupon covers most of the store. If you’d like to see some of the toys we’ve featured in previous posts, check out our Adam & Eve tag! Celebrate Valentine’s Day alone or with a partner with the following fun and sexy things! This post is extremely NSFW! You have been warned! … Cocksicle Popsicle Vibrator – $59.95 $35.97 – 40% off SMART coupon! Aren’t these adorable? These vibrators come in a variety of three colors. These are USB rechargeable and can operate for up to an hour on a full charge. They also have ten different vibration patterns! … Eve’s Twisted Crystal Dildo – $29.95 $14.98 with SMART coupon! This glass dildo comes with a texture red swirl for added sensations. The handle is a dang apple! For those unfamiliar with these types of toys, the can be warmed or chilled for a little something extra in…

Cover Snark: A New Kind of Cabbage Patch
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Articles / January 13, 2020

Hi there! Do you need some Cover Snark? I think you need some Cover Snark! From Skye: What the heck is going on with this dress??? Sarah: I have many questions, not the least of which is whether that dress qualifies as a vegetable. Tara: Yes, much cabbage. Very healthy. Amanda: For some reason, it reminds me of a toilet paper cozy. Sarah: Leafy greens FTW Shana: My first thought was a labia. Maybe this cover is trying to show us the wide range of labial diversity? Sex educators could use her skirt to help people learn that there is no “normal” or “perfect” vulva. Sometimes you look like a cabbage, and that’s OK. Claudia: Amanda, it’s the ruffle edge and minty color! A Cabbage Patch doll all grown up… Tara: Shana, I’m never going to look at cabbage the same way again. Carrie: I was about to say that actually I rather like it but now I can’t un-see the cabbage, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Tara: I suppose it could almost be the not curly kale, but the colour isn’t quite right… Susan: I’m trying to work out how it’s supposed to stay up. Like, it doesn’t look like…